I find that I'm not very good at things.
No, let me rephrase. I certainly don't want my first post to be riddled with do-gooders looking to boost my self-esteem or help me find Jesus. No offense, but I'm a little smarter than that. If that is your intent, please move on to the next blog in the blogosphere.
See, I'm a 30 year old mother and wife, living in the suburbs of Boston, and struggling to find some rhythm and balance in the whole domesticity thing. I've been married for a scant four months, but my husband and I have been what you may call an item for the past 15 years. Yes, you math inclined geniuses, this means half my life. (More on this later)
As my darling husband can attest, I am a remarkably good cook when the spirit moves me, a loving mother (if not unconventional) and an attentive lover, when the planets align and exhaustion is at bay and coitus lies in our future.
The problem lies in my inablitity to stick with something. To devote all of my energy and attentions to whatever new shiny thing has crossed my path.
Every week brings a new interest and obsession. Music, movies, crafts, cooking, learning, astrophysics, dancing - these interests swell inside of me and bloat my already teeming brain with visions of happiness, stability, success and other such nonsense.
Over the past 10 years or so since I've been away from college and learning, I've been wandering, trying to find that niche where I belong, and self expression comes easier - less like ripping a band-aid from pink inflamed skin and more like breathing.
So, the one thing that I AM good at, if there is such a thing, is writing. My high school teachers and college professors and poor friends can vouch for me. The problem, again, lies in my fickle nature. I don't write consistantly, I hardly write at all anymore, and I feel like a rusted vessel, aged and aging and good for utilitarian tasks only.
I'm not the type of wife and mother that has dinner ready at 5pm sharp, the house tidy, the laundry clean and a smile on my face. As a matter of fact, at noon on this snowy day, my son and I are still in our PJ's, there isn't a lick of Christmas shopping done, and fuck-all if I know what's for dinner. On my plate for today, figuring out how to make some sort of Christmas Cookie, and teaching myself how to mod my XBox.
I'll get to the dishes eventually. Really.
Listening to: A Perfect Circle - A Stranger