Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The End Of Something.

Well don't I sound all maudlin?

But seriously. As I've mentioned, this gal isn't getting any younger, and the big "Three-Oh" is tomorrow.

Holy SHIT. Really. What the hell happened to the last ten years of my life? I still feel (and behave) like an angsty 19 year old. Wasn't I supposed to have a career and a nice car by now? Have shit figured out? I can't even remember to defrost dinner, let alone update this blog or follow any of my numerous interests with any type of consistency. I'd always envisioned this time in my life differently...

So. My second decade is over. I can no longer pretend I'm a late blooming twenty-something trying to get her shit together. There will never be another chance at getting this right, and I'm dreadfully afraid I'm not going to "get it" and start LIVING my life fully until I'm too old to do so.

So fuck that noise. I'm tired of being tired. Of being mopey and morose at the injustices of the world and where they've led me. (That's a whole other story, dear reader, and one not fit for this blog. But high on my list of things to do is write *that* story in book form... more on that later)

Its time to live. To make my own story, and fight avidly for all I want and more. Sitting here in this disheveled house waiting for something to change (or for the magic cleaning fairy to come) isn't doing me any damned good. Hours tick away, and all of these weary days are written on my face. No more.

I will drink more water, and less coffee.
I will make the bed every morning.
I will go back to school for SOMETHING.
I will sing at the top of my lungs.
I will work on a portfolio to get a tattoo apprenticeship.
I will write/blog more regularly.
I will keep my promises.
I will eat my vegetables.
I will laugh more.
I will see at least 3 concerts this summer.
I will excel.
I will.

So its the end of my twenties. Its also the start of a new adventure. And the end of apathy, and not living every day to be the person I want to be.

Its also the end of my liver, if my friends and I have anything to say about it. I can't wait for the celebration tomorrow night... its been far too long.





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Listening to: Bjork - Army Of Me
via FoxyTunes

5 comments:

  1. Have a few drinks for me!! maybe I'lld rink a few myself here at home *sigh* Dammit! jsut not as fun!

    and so far.... 30 ain't so bad.

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  2. Happy belated birthday. If it's of any consideration, my 30th birthday was precisely when everything turned. I wasn't...unhappy before then, but I was just floating.

    Course, now I'm back to floating, but at least I accomplished a few things before that. Guess I need another milestone.

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  5. aww! thanks Pam!!! <3

    where does the time go? wasn't it just yesterday that we were navigating the speedbumps in the floor of Junior High?

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